This morning I woke up in a funk. The “I don’t want to get up like ever…let’s just pull the covers overhead and be grouchy” kind of funk. It was not pretty. After 6 weeks of prescribed inactivity, this normally quite an active yogi had ventured over to the dark side.
We all have some dark moments, and I think it’s important to acknowledge it from time to time in between my usual sunshiny (and I’m sure quite annoying) rays of positivity and productivity. So I lay there in bed, 6 days away from my 40th birthday, and have a mini-meltdown AKA tantrum AKA pity party in the arms of my ever-supportive partner Jordan, who had literally just woken up.
Me: “I’m supposed to be writing my story, and it just keeps coming out so serious and clinical and blah! Why can’t I write what I feel?”
Jordan: (hugs me close and patiently replies) “Well, how DO you feel?”
Me: “I don’t know…” (more tears)
Amidst the toddler tantrum, I take a big breath and spit out a giant rambling run on sentence.
Me: “These surgeries have been so hard to process. Putting it into words feels overwhelming and impossible but I am SO happy that I took the breast implants out, and I just want people to know, and I want them to be inspired to love themselves and not put that shit in their bodies or if they have them I want them to feel supported and educated to take them out!” (Followed by a deep breath and snot bubble)
Jordan: “Okay well then you should write about that.”
So here goes.
In the late 90’s I had a boob job. The clinical term being “breast augmentation with subglandular saline implants.” In that era, the procedure was commonly referred to as a Baywatch Babe Pamela Anderson boob job. I was 23 years old. The now (almost) 40-year-old me thinks: “What the fuck?!” I was young, athletic, and a total natural vibes girl. I rocked Chapstick on my lips to prom and rarely felt the need to brush my hair. How had my self-esteem gotten to the point that I needed to cut my body open and insert foreign objects to “fix” me?
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